Where has my time gone?

I'm sitting here at midnight wondering, thinking, and doing a little crying for the days ahead, and I can't believe that this week on Wednesday Lucas will be having his surgery!!  I'm so not ready to be in Toronto again and I'm not ready for his life to be in the hands of others again!!  I just keep praying and hoping and knowing in the back of my mind that I am doing the right thing, even though I have the thoughts that I shouldn't do this, that he is fine and that nothing good will come of it. 

All I gotta keep hearing is that this is the right thing to do and that he will be fine and the doctors will do their jobs to keep him well during the surgery.  I have been hugging and cuddling I just don't want to let him go!!   Oh God please help me and us get through this!!!

I want the other side to be here but I also, don't wanna go through the thick crap that I will be going through!!  The other side looks good from here just because this surgery will be over, but then there will be the days, weeks and Months of post-op, i guess that is the down hill side of all that we have been waiting for!!

We are so not ready!!  Prepared?  YES, Ready? Not at all!!!

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.

- Buddha