Post-op

Well as I said in the last post we got a phone call at like 7am Thursday morning saying that Lucas was going up to his room on 8C.  So Chris and I got ready and were at the hospital by 8am, went to Timmie's and then went up to his room.  We actually rode up in the elevator with Dr. Phillips.  He was on his way to see Lucas too!!

We went into the room Dr. Phillips was satisfied with the way he was in the morning.  Then he was off again.  Well Lucas woke up and I had to pick him up!!  Well I wasn't able to put him down for more than a few minutes the rest of the morning. 

Actually the only time he let me put him down is when the too out he drain in his forehead and his catheter, and then only about 10min while I had some breakfast!!

When I was finally able to put him down is early afternoon and that's when he had to go for his post-op CT to check placement of his new head.  He was good he went to the CT and didn't even move!!  But when we got back it was back to mommas arms again for the rest of the afternoon!!

He did eventually settle and I was able put him down for the night, aside from a couple of time he came awake through the night, and wanted to cuddle!!

The next few days are kinda a blur now but these days are the days that he swelled up.  Nicholas didn't know what to think about the way his brother looked and I think that, one morning he was even scared of Lucas.  but they played together a little and then I think they started to know it was each other more.  The night before his eyes opened Lucas got down off my knee and sat on the floor but because he couldn't see when he went to crawl away, he run into the crib!! :( ouch!!! 

The very next day by lunch time Lucas could see out of a sliver of his eyes being open!!  yes finally!!  He could see everyone again, the next couple pics show that!!

I'm sure once he opened his eyes and was able to play with Nicholas they were both so happy, and Nicholas was relieved that, this is my brother and he is happy to see me!!  I just loved the way Lucas would just move his head back as far as possible to see everything and everyone!!

Sunday night, after everyone had gone back to Ajax for the night Lucas did not want to go back into his room,  at one point he was on the floor and I unplugged the tub and turned around and someone was half way down the hall!!  He didn't want to be there anymore, he wanted to go home.  Thankfully we were told we were going home in the next morning!!!

This picture by far is one of my favorite ones and that was taken the morning we were going home!!  Lucas had to sleep with me on the pull out I had but at least he slept!!  By 1130 that morning we were on our way home!!  Well to the island anyway!!  Lucas traveled not too bad on the way home but I think everyone was ready for a good sleep and wanted our own beds.  So come Tuesday afternoon and our own beds we all had a good rest that night, Nicholas even slept the clock around!!

I will try to keep you updated as I have time to do so.  We still have a long recovery time but I think it was all worth it in the end!!

Surgery Day September 14, 2011

Today is the day!!

This is the day we have all been waiting for, crying over, stressing about, not wanting it to come, but here it was!!

Pre-op care for no food, then no drink was ok as Lucas slept with us and we were able to watch what he drank and when he drank it!!  and we let him sleep until we were ready to go!!

So once Chris and I were ready to go we picked Lucas out of bed changed his diaper and cloths then into the stroller and off to the hospital for sick children or sick kids for short!!  Nicholas was still fast asleep and we left him with my Parents for the day!!.

We went out of the hotel by 545am and were at the hospital by 6am had to wait a few minutes to register Lucas for his surgery.  We then went up to the pre-op waiting room and Lucas had a little more time to wake up.  Probably by 7am we were in and getting his pre-op vitals and checks done by a nurse then resident, doctor, anesthesia, and a bunch of other fellows and residents that would all be on his case!! 

I took a couple of last Pictures of how Lucas looked because it is going to be a whole different world after.  The "oh so famous" pre-op pictures!!

Then about 745 Lucas was getting hungry and cranky, so anesthesia gave Lucas some sedative and Tylenol and Lucas started to get goofy and sleepy and the nurse was able to take him to surgery by 8am, and on our way to the waiting room I couldn't hold it in any more and I started to cry!!  I don't think it helped that when I looked at Chris I seen red eyes there too!!

Well we checked in at the surgical waiting room on the 2nd floor and then went and got some breakfast and fresh air, as I was really starting to cry and needed a break from the people in the hospital.  It was just way too crowded for me!!  and well Chris needed to have a smoke!!  So we sat outside for a while before we wandered back into the hospital!!

We were back in by 9am and we sat, I read my book and cried a little!!  930 came and mom and dad were at the hospital then with Nicholas and Chris and I met them at the Tim's that was in the hospital, after a quick tour of the ICU where Lucas was to be going after his surgery. 

So we sat with mom, dad, and Nicholas for a few minutes and went back to the waiting room by about 1030.  Mom, dad and Nicholas went down to the Cafeteria and Nicholas played for a little while, then by 1200 we didn't want to wait anymore and went to the cafeteria so we could get ourselves some lunch as even though we were just sitting there we were hungry.  We only stayed for a short period and was back to the waiting room by1230, mom and dad ate and then came up to where we were about 1pm and sat and waited there with us.

Well about 110pm Lucas' surgeon Dr. Phillips came in spotted Chris and gave him a thumbs up.  We went to a little room and he told us how the surgery went, saying he got almost perfect shaping on his head and that Lucas was on his way to the ICU and that we could probably go see him in about 15 minutes.  The only problem the had was establishing an IV site on the little guy!!!

Well wonderful, great, all was over and went great, no complications what so ever, we were thrilled!!  This time tears of joy, relief or happiness what ever you want to call it they came.  And just when I was about done I look over and my dad is crying, this man I have only see cry once when his mother died, was crying because Lucas was okay!!!  Well didn't I start crying again!! (and look at me now crying again trying to write this damn thing)

Okay so we waited and waited and waited for them to tell us we could go to ICU waiting room and to see Lucas finally I asked if we could go there to see him. We went to the ICU waiting room and called they asked us to wait about 5 minutes then go in.  So we waited and then went in.  Lucas looked good, different, but good.  A few tubes and wires but honestly didn't bother me, I was totally expecting it, This probably got to Chris more then it got to me!!  He was great!!  Chris and I stayed there for about 30minutes and then went out and Mom and I went back in to see Lucas.  She and I were only there for about 15 min, I asked when a good time to come back to hold him would be and was told that around 5pm would probably be the best time!!

So I left our cell phone numbers and we all then went back to the hotel had a little nap/rest/break from the hospital.  Chris and I went back to the hospital around 5pm to see Lucas.  We got a couple pictures and I got to hold him and talk more to him, and was asking Chris if he wanted to hold him, Chris and I seen all the pokes that Lucas had from the many attempts at an IV and then I got puked on!!!  Par for the course!!  So back to bed he went and the 2 of us only stayed for a little while longer!!  Probably until about 6pm then we went back to the room for supper!!!


After supper, mom and I went to see Lucas just to make sure that he was good for the night.  Lucas was sleeping and didn't really even budge, his nurse had just come back to sick kids after being in Australia and nursing the adult population, so we were trying to find out how different he found kids to adults.  But once we were satisfied that Lucas was going to be good for the night mom and I went back to the hotel and found Nicholas and poppa relaxing together on the bed and Chris all alone in the other one, this was funny!!   Nicholas and my dad really bonded this past week, this was the first day of that!!  We all then got ready for bed, I then called back to the hospital to check on Lucas before I went to sleep and found that he was still sleeping and had no change from when I was last there!!

Well after that I went to sleep, soundly as i checked some messages on my phone and didn't know that I had!!  My phone then rang at just before 7am, when we were getting up anyway, saying Lucas was being moved to 8C at that moment and that when we went in to go to that unit to see him.  Chris and I quickly got ready and went to see Lucas!!

The rest of the week will be on the next post!!

Sept 13, 2011 Day for travel

This day is the day we had for travel!!! 

We got up early morning and packed up the 6 of us, because my parents went with us, and headed towards Toronto.  First stop, gas!!  and a few snacks for everyone!!  then we had to get Timmie's coffee for a couple and a tea for me.  So after about 3 hours of driving we again stopped in Parry Sound for lunch and it just happened to be a Timmie's again, was better for lunch then McDonald's!!  We then made a quick stop at the Wal-mart for some gravol, just in case we had 2 cranky boys!!  Then we were off again, This time no stop until we got to the hotel in Toronto.  We stayed at the Marriott at the Eaton Center, aside from the rate of $179.00 a night, It was great staying there, we got our luggage brought up from the front doors for us and brought into the room.  Then were asked about a fridge and a microwave, and if we wanted a crib for the little guys.  Well we decided to take the fridge and microwave and waited a bit for the crib.  We rested a bit then went for a walk to see how far away the hospital was from the hotel and to find a place to eat!!  Well it didn't take long to get to the hospital from the hotel so I was very happy about that!!! We found ourselves some food and we had visited the Eaton center and found a swim suit for Chris as we forgot his.  Then we returned to the room and waiting for us was 4 large soft chocolate chip cookies and tea!!  We then called for a crib and with that came a box of soap, cream, powder and diaper cream!!  We thought that, that would be better for Nicholas as he tends to sleep better by himself.  We then got ready and found our way to the pool for a little swim!!

After the swim we got ready for bed, the boys had a bath, Nicholas pooed in the tub and everyone then went to bed!!  To prepare for our very long day tomorrow!! 

See my next post for "tomorrow"!!

Where has my time gone?

I'm sitting here at midnight wondering, thinking, and doing a little crying for the days ahead, and I can't believe that this week on Wednesday Lucas will be having his surgery!!  I'm so not ready to be in Toronto again and I'm not ready for his life to be in the hands of others again!!  I just keep praying and hoping and knowing in the back of my mind that I am doing the right thing, even though I have the thoughts that I shouldn't do this, that he is fine and that nothing good will come of it. 

All I gotta keep hearing is that this is the right thing to do and that he will be fine and the doctors will do their jobs to keep him well during the surgery.  I have been hugging and cuddling I just don't want to let him go!!   Oh God please help me and us get through this!!!

I want the other side to be here but I also, don't wanna go through the thick crap that I will be going through!!  The other side looks good from here just because this surgery will be over, but then there will be the days, weeks and Months of post-op, i guess that is the down hill side of all that we have been waiting for!!

We are so not ready!!  Prepared?  YES, Ready? Not at all!!!

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.

- Buddha

confessions of a cranio mom

I am stealing this but It is very true!!

I Cry.
It might not seem like I do because most of the time I wait until everyone is asleep. Then I use the darkness of the night to hide my tears. Like a baby I cry myself to sleep and I silently wish the tears will wash all of this fear away.

I Obsess.
I research and I read and I blog until my eyes bleed. My poor eyes. I can't learn enough... can't know enough. I keep on searching for a different/better answer when I know I have already found it.

I Hate.
I'm not a jealous person but why is this happening to my precious baby and not yours. It isn't fair, it isn't right, and I hate the fact that you are so happy and I am so unbelievably scared.

I Doubt.
I doubt my decisions, I doubt my surgeons, I doubt my motives, I doubt my faith. It's amazing how someone who once was so strong can crumble into a million pieces so quickly.

I Wait.
For answers... for appointments.... for surgery..... for acceptance... to finally shout from the rooftops "we're on the other side".

I Stare.
At your head, at their head..... At the waiting room wall..... At the Ct scan... at the surgeon when he says "craniosynostosis".

I Deny.
I make yet another appointment in hopes that someone will reverse the original diagnosis. This can't be happening.

I Worry.
About everything. Developmental delays.. ICP... what other people will say.... your vision...Your blood count... Anesthesia... Second Surgeries... will it ever stop?

I Pray.
For guidance, for peace, for my life to return to normal. For a successful surgery for you and a successful surgery for all.

I Cry Again.
I never knew that happiness could bring so many tears. You smile at me behind all of your bandages and wires and I melt into the floor.

I Grow.
Not only as a mom but as a person. Your journey and strength changed my life for the better.

I Overcome.
The fear, the anxiety, the tears, the hate, the doubt, the worry.

I Love.
My baby. My cranio family. Your successful journey and the beautiful life it's become. 

only 3 more days before Lucas has his surgery and I'm not ready, I'm falling apart at the seems, I'm coming unglued!!

Busy 10 days ahead!!

Well we are 12 days away from the day of his surgery and I don't think I could get any more busy. 

This is how it all gets laid out before we travel to Toronto on the 13th:
I'm working this long labour day weekend four day shifts, am I nuts?  Possibly but yes count 'em 4 day shifts.  I am nuts!!

Tuesday I have to travel back to Sudbury to donate another unit of blood for Lucas. 

Wednesday and Thursday I'm working another 2 day shifts, good grief days again!!  I really don't like them, but whatever!!

Friday Chris has an appointment in the morning and Lucas has a Dr appointment in the afternoon to fill in paper work so Lucas can have surgery, saying that he is healthy this week!!  Then when that is done we get to travel to the Island again for another wedding.

Saturday is the wedding and I think by this time I will be so tired, and the fact that my blood levels will be much lower, if I drink much wine, more then a glass, I may be fairly inebriated but we/I will enjoy!!  Once the first dances and so on are done Chris and I had decided that we want to come back home before we have to travel all that way to Toronto, so Back home we will go!!

Sunday NOTHING planned, possibly a local NOJHL hockey game but really nothing planned.

Monday - boys to day care, Chris to work, me packing cleaning and whatever else that may possibly need to be done before we leave for at least 6 days!!  That night we will head down the highway again to the Island.
And along comes Tuesday the day we Travel 6 hours on major highways with 2, 11 month old babies!! 

Then Wednesday is the 14th and we have to be at Sick Kids for 6 am prior to Lucas' surgery.

I'm starting to think that not only will I be one tired momma but I may possibly go crazy, especially with all the day shifts I will be doing prior to my departure!!