Here I am at 230am reading all of my posts that I have written in this blog. From start to now.
Why I decide to read them all I'm not sure but I was crying along as I was re-reading all of my posts. I was picking out my grammatical errors and just leaving them to see if anyone else can find them!! And knowing how I felt at the time I wrote them and how I'm feeling now re-reading them. The odd one that I was crying with when I wrote it I didn't cry now, those feelings have subsided knowing that all of this is over and the irrational thought have gone. But then the others that I had cried over, I am finding that I am doing the same thing again, maybe not the the same extent but none-the-less crying again.
The one spot that I fund the hardest to read and that I cried the most, isn't when I blogged about my mom passing away it was the post when I spoke about Lucas' surgery and the way my dad cried. I'm tearing just thinking about it. But up until that time this was the 2nd time I had seen him cry, but now having lost my mother, and seeing him cry for days, now the tears come to me, I realize how having him shed those tears over my son is the same as when we knew my mom was going to die. It was the relief that he is ok and you can definitely say I'm happy that, that part of the day is over with.
I really hope that this has helped some people to realize they are not alone in their own journeys with their little ones and that even though the days are so hard that you have to cry from the time you get up in the morning to the time you go to bed, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will get better.
I also just found this quote that could work with a couple things in my life right now:
“Set backs are bumps in the road, they are not the end of the roads.”
― Bob Greene, Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover
Friday, May 18, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Toronto and other appointments!!
Well, being May I should update again!!
So We were to Toronto again to have Lucas seen at Sick kids and we went for a opthamology appointment, and we also got to see Dr. Phillips.
My dad went with us to Toronto, and I'm not gonna lie, this trip wasn't that easy, well emotionally anyway!! The reason for that is because this was the first trip to Toronto that I had made since my Mom passed away and she was my rock, she was there every time We had to go down south!! EVERY TRIP!! So we found our selves a little blue.
But the trip it self wasn't that bad. We had to detour through North Bay due to a fatal accident on HWY 69, so that put us back about an hour, but when we heard about the accident we had just turned onto the highway outside of Sudbury so a 5 min turnaround was all that took. Nicholas seemed to get a little car sick but I think he had his brothers gastro that came from day care!! But we made it in one piece and it was surprisingly easy to find our way around this time. I don't know if it was because we kinda knew where we were going or if it was because Mom wasn't there, she was horrible with directions and would be looking around rather then looking for the road you needed!!!
We got ourselves settled in for the night then off to the hospital in the morning. We got to the opthamology department and didn't really have that long of a wait, surprisingly again. Then because Dr. Phillips was in surgery that day we went to talk to Alan to see if we could catch him in between cases. Well they were delayed, okay not a problem. They wanted some photos of Lucas' head so we went on for that and surprisingly again Lucas got a 100piece mega block set, because we travelled so far and Lucas sat so still for the pictures!!
After this was done we took to boys for a little play in the play park, hoping to wait out the doctor. But after a little bit of that it was starting rain and we were like do we go and see if my Aunt Kim was there yet or not. So we left. Just as the doors closed in the elevator to get to our room my phone rang, can you come to see the doctor. AAAAAHHHH, yes we are about 5 min away!!! So we basically sped walked back to the hospital, blowing past my aunt and got to see the doctor. The final outcome, 1 year visit!! YEAH!! Best news ever!! So we had the afternoon off and visited a bit with my aunt and walked to the CN tower where Chris and I went up, neither having done that before. Will definitely be bringing the boys when they get older, something to see!! While dad and aunt Kim went to a ball game at the sky dome (rogers center) The boys, Chris and I went back to the room, had supper and basically crashed, it was a long day!! Our way home wasn't eventful at all but We were sure tired!!
So not much has happened since then the boys have their needles tomorrow, and Today I got a letter saying Dr Phillips wanted to see Lucas at the end of the month In Sudbury. I emailed Alan and am just waiting to see what he says about that, but as far as the surgery is concerned you wouldn't even know that Lucas had one!!
I love my 19 month old toddlers!!!
So We were to Toronto again to have Lucas seen at Sick kids and we went for a opthamology appointment, and we also got to see Dr. Phillips.
My dad went with us to Toronto, and I'm not gonna lie, this trip wasn't that easy, well emotionally anyway!! The reason for that is because this was the first trip to Toronto that I had made since my Mom passed away and she was my rock, she was there every time We had to go down south!! EVERY TRIP!! So we found our selves a little blue.
But the trip it self wasn't that bad. We had to detour through North Bay due to a fatal accident on HWY 69, so that put us back about an hour, but when we heard about the accident we had just turned onto the highway outside of Sudbury so a 5 min turnaround was all that took. Nicholas seemed to get a little car sick but I think he had his brothers gastro that came from day care!! But we made it in one piece and it was surprisingly easy to find our way around this time. I don't know if it was because we kinda knew where we were going or if it was because Mom wasn't there, she was horrible with directions and would be looking around rather then looking for the road you needed!!!
We got ourselves settled in for the night then off to the hospital in the morning. We got to the opthamology department and didn't really have that long of a wait, surprisingly again. Then because Dr. Phillips was in surgery that day we went to talk to Alan to see if we could catch him in between cases. Well they were delayed, okay not a problem. They wanted some photos of Lucas' head so we went on for that and surprisingly again Lucas got a 100piece mega block set, because we travelled so far and Lucas sat so still for the pictures!!
After this was done we took to boys for a little play in the play park, hoping to wait out the doctor. But after a little bit of that it was starting rain and we were like do we go and see if my Aunt Kim was there yet or not. So we left. Just as the doors closed in the elevator to get to our room my phone rang, can you come to see the doctor. AAAAAHHHH, yes we are about 5 min away!!! So we basically sped walked back to the hospital, blowing past my aunt and got to see the doctor. The final outcome, 1 year visit!! YEAH!! Best news ever!! So we had the afternoon off and visited a bit with my aunt and walked to the CN tower where Chris and I went up, neither having done that before. Will definitely be bringing the boys when they get older, something to see!! While dad and aunt Kim went to a ball game at the sky dome (rogers center) The boys, Chris and I went back to the room, had supper and basically crashed, it was a long day!! Our way home wasn't eventful at all but We were sure tired!!
So not much has happened since then the boys have their needles tomorrow, and Today I got a letter saying Dr Phillips wanted to see Lucas at the end of the month In Sudbury. I emailed Alan and am just waiting to see what he says about that, but as far as the surgery is concerned you wouldn't even know that Lucas had one!!
I love my 19 month old toddlers!!!
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