Here I am at 1130pm and thinking how I wish I could just shake all of my life down to just one or 2 things to take some pressure off my head so I can just lay down and sleep, and have a good sleep at that!!
I find it very stressfull with what is going on with Lucas and then Nicholas and Lucas are starting day care next Tuesday and I'm trying to get things organized for that. Then the week after I'm starting back to work, thank God, but would rather be at home, if only it payed as good!!
For the last 3 nights I have found myself laying in bed and crying myself to sleep as I don't know what else to do. I start thinking about leaving my boys with the day care, not that I'm scared just more like apprehensive, and then going back to work, that alone will bump up my stress levels, although I will enjoy the "me" time on the 45min to and from work. and in only a few short weeks Lucas' surgery, as I wipe more tears from my face!!
I guess all I can do is trust that the boys will do great at day care, considering they have been good the 2 times we visited. And know that I'm back at work and that I have all the time I need to be off with Lucas. Then again trust that Lucas' surgeons have done this before and know what they are doing, and just think of the pictures I have seen of others who have been through this and remember the smile on their face on post-op day 2 or 3 when the swelling subsides and their eyes open and they can see their families again, (wiping another tear away), its just the biggest smile I have seen on childern so small, and so beautiful!!
I just wish we were on the other side!! :'(
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